Youth and Divorce

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For youth, breakups, separations and divorce can be stressful, sad, and confusing. At any age, they may feel uncertain or angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for them. Helping them cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to their needs with a reassuring, positive attitude.

There are many ways you can help your kids adjust to separation or divorce. The internet is flooded with hints and tips about what to tell your children, and how to listen to them etc. All of this is good to a certain extent. But it doesn't deal with the subconscious damage caused by the family split, that actually plays a huge role in the way children grow up and how their values and belief systems are created. It doesn't deal with the emotional hurt at the core.

• Let go of intense emotions from your divorce or separation and free them from the loss, anger and guilt of divorce and form new habits
• Be emotionally ready to make clear, wise and informed decisions
• Learn techniques for dealing with stress
• Sleep more peacefully
• Discover who they are and what they want most
• Feel hope & excitement about their future
• Build confidence and self-worth
• Rebuild self-trust and self-esteem
• Set healthy boundaries
• Dissolve fear of failure
• Leave the limitations of the past behind
• Discover unseen options
• Give your child permission to live a life they genuinely deserve.

We provide well-seasoned, practical advice. We truly listen and genuinely care. What dynamics are typically addressed?

• The grieving journey (grief of the loss of a relationship, understanding emotions, anger, loneliness and other related feelings and emotions)
• The learning journey (seeking the positives and the learnings from the experience)
• The healing journey (forgiveness, letting go, coping and managing the relationship with both parents)
• The new start journey (regaining hope and future, assuming new responsibilities and new healthy relationships)

Vulnerability to both physical and mental illnesses can originate in the traumatic loss of one or both parents through divorce.

Some children are forced to suffer not only changing relationships with their parents, but abandonment - a loss greater than bereavement.

Some lose their childhood and become burdened with the physical and economic responsibilities of helping support a single parent. Some lose their peers, as they become the "buddy," or the "rock" on which their parents' fragile egos rest. Many children lose their self-esteem as they struggle with their belief they were at fault and their consequent obligation to put everything right again, causing them additional stress. Their schemes, based on a false premise, seldom succeed, adding to their sense of failure.

Although strong feelings can be tough on kids, the following reactions can be considered normal for children.

• Anger - kids may express their anger, rage, and resentment with you and your spouse for destroying their sense of normalcy.
• Anxiety - It’s natural for children to feel anxious when faced with big changes in their lives.
• Mild depression - sadness about the family’s new situation is normal, and sadness coupled with a sense of hopelessness and helplessness is likely to become a mild form of depression.

If things get worse rather than better after several months, it may be a sign that your child is stuck in depression, anxiety, or anger and could use some additional support. Watch for these warning signs of divorce-related depression or anxiety:

• Sleep problems
• Poor concentration
• Trouble at school
• Drug or alcohol abuse
• Self-injury, cutting, or eating disorders
• Frequent angry or violent outbursts
• Withdrawal from loved ones
• Refusal of loved activities

To be honest, as parents going through a split, you have enough on your shoulders to deal with, and while you believe you're doing the best you can for your kids, this is far from it. As adults, you go through the grief cycle, and this is a challenging journey. Little importance is given to the fact that children go through the exact same grief cycle, and as a parent experiencing the journey, you cannot give your child 100% of your energy and positivity without bias, to go through this cycle. It's important that they get external support, and that support must deal with the subconscious programming, unlike some kids support groups, that focus on telling kids everything is going to be ok and oh look, here are a bunch of other kids in the same situation whom you can make friends with.